Tijuana

Tijuana is the location of the largest sex trade and prostitution industry in North America. "Zona Norte (officially colonia Zona Norte, "North Zone (neighborhood)") is an official neighborhood as well as a red light district located in Tijuana, Mexico. It is the largest red-light district in North America known for its brothels, street prostitution, and illicit drug sales. Due to its proximity to San Diego, California, it is frequented by US citizens as well as locals."(Wiki) Tijuana is also known for heroin camps, extreme poverty and malnutrition. In Tijuana, prostitution and often sex trafficking is legalized which has exacerbated the problem and has contributed to the size and popularity of this city as an epicenter for the sale of sex and purity.

As many of you know, I am someone who is PASSIONATE about IDENTITY, and BEAUTY and have experienced the attack against those things my entire life. I am also passionate about children and fighting for those who are abused, neglected, and uncared for. "Prostitution of children is a problem in Tijuana's Zona Norte, both in the form of voluntary acts as well as illegal child trafficking. Voluntary prostitution by children, often referred to as survival sex in order to obtain a warm meal or a place to sleep for the night is prevalent in the area. Often these children are smuggled across the border into San Diego and other nearby areas." (Wikipedia)

I will be going on a missions trip to Tijuana in March and we will be ministering directly to those involved in the red light districts and we will also be ministering to the poor and those in heroin camps among other things. Possibly even more important, we will be filming the ministry of churches and organizations as well as our own trip. We believe that this will have a ripple effect not only to the people we are directly ministering to but those that will view our film. 

We have our first fundraising deadline on January 9th and I have about $300 due on that day. If you would like to be part of a world-class documentary and mission to Tijuana, Mexico, please seriously consider donating to this amazing trip. 

www.missiontrips.ibethel.org

It is going to be a very impactful trip and I expect an even greater impact from the documentary we are going to film and release to many film festivals, hopefully throughout the world. Click on the link below if you are interested in investing in this worthwhile cause.

www.missiontrips.ibethel.org

www.missiontrips.ibethel.org

Birthday Treasure Hunt!!!

Wow! Birthday is turning around! Thanks to my sister and several of you I decided to stop wallowing in my disappointments and pity and prayed that God would take me on a birthday treasure hunt in the airport!!!! I just met my very first treasure!!!! I had about 4 pages of specific revelation about her from God and it ALL ended up being accurate! My first words about her were "purple shirt, dread-like brown hair, freckles..." Crazy accurate physically, spiritually, and in many other ways!!! This led to healings and freedom and breakthrough!!! Not to mention new friendships! We exchanged info and are going to send updates on answers to prayer! Wow!!!!! So far this delay ROCKS!!!! Jesus, you sly beautiful you!!!!! More!!!! Lets bring some children home!!!! Lets restore families!!! Heal hearts!!!!!

Sweet Jesus...

Jesus, is the sweetest person I know.

On Saturday morning I had a Single Life Small group meeting and it was a meeting where I shared my relational journey which is an extremely vulnerable part of my story.  It was hard, but also easy and I really feel closer to my group.  It is such a wonderful, fun-loving, and beautiful group of people and I left feeling very loved and heard and seen.

As I was walking out to my car, I saw some roses and I went over to smell them.  In my head I thought, "I wish I got flowers.  There really is no one to send me flowers.  Even this rose. It would be so lovely to have this rose." But this rose was also OBVIOUSLY part of someone's garden, and I would NOT pick a rose or any flower from someone's garden.  As I leaned over to smell the rose, I touched the head of the rose ever so gently and rose broke off into my hand.

The craziest part was WHERE the rose broke off.  Not at the head where I LIGHTLY touched it, but way down the stem so that it was a long stemmed rose!!!!  I felt like God was giving me this rose!  And so I took it!!!

I brought it home and I put it in a vase and I smelled it.  It was one of the most fragrant roses I have EVER smelled in my entire life!!!  The very next day it was BIGGER and it had been in full bloom the day before so this was SURPRISING and DELIGHTFUL.

Everyone who has smelled the rose has said that it is the most fragrant, sweet smelling rose they have ever smelled.

I believe it was anointed from heaven just for me.  Everytime I have been in the same room with it, I have been overcome with giddy, lovestruck joy.

Jesus is so sweet.

Day 1

Day 2

Provision Comes as the result of BIG VISION!!!

On Wednesday evening, I received an e-mail from the financial office of the ministry school I attend stating that I still owed a payment from October 8th.  This has been very difficult for me because although I have found small amounts of income through cleaning houses, driving people to the airports in surrounding cities, and offering my photography skills at half price, I still have not been able to find other employment to fill in the gaps.  My training is smack dab in the middle of every single day so it can be very difficult to find a job for the hours I do have available.

Wednesday afternoon however, I had a job interview that seems very promising.  Although it does not pay a lot, I would receive an iPhone and could cancel my current phone plan, which would save me a lot each month. I would only be working two days a week but it would be helpful. I think the interview went well, so we shall see!

So back to Wednesday night.  The e-mail stated I would need to address this issue by the end of the week or I would be locked out of school this coming Monday. Additionally, we have our final payment of $1100 due in two weeks as well. So as you can imagine, I started to worry.  I have already sent out support letters, so it seemed like I had asked enough people for money.  The only other option in my mind was to make money, but it was becoming hard to do that.... So I was in a quandary.  I had all of these bills breathing down my neck...  I knew God had sent me out here.  I knew he had called me to go to this school and be part of these ministries, so it didn't make sense to me that he would just abandon me out here with no provision.  And that's when God's truth began flooding over me through people in my revival group, people here at Destiny House, people at church, and through GOD HIMSELF. 

Tonight at church we talked about not letting negative worry in our thoughts but instead "worrying" about amazing things like... "What would happen if God provided MORE than enough for me? What would I do? I'm worried I'm going to have so much money, I'm going to have to start giving it away!" One thing that stood out to me was this thought that when we hear a negative curse, it's easy for us to imagine that negative thing, but when someone blesses us, it's sometimes hard for us to let our imagination run wild with the possibilities of that blessings. But WHY?!? Let's imagine and declare these impossible blessings over our life!

We had a time where we just asked God to take us into the throne room and speak to us about whatever issue had been hard to overcome lately.  I saw myself entering the throne room and God was smiling.  He was almost giddy with excitement, joy, and mischief!  He started throwing golden coins at me!  Abundance!  Over and over.  I started stuffing them into my pockets until my pockets were bulging.  "No, Melissa."  He said with a smile, "I've got someone to carry that for you."  I turned around and there were angels holding huge bags bulging with gold coins.

Then God showed me another picture of me as a little girl.  He took me to an ice cream shoppe and I was sitting up on one of those swivel chairs and he sat next to me and looked over at me with a grin and said, "What do you want?"  I ordered a big Sundae and he said, "I want to treat you.  I want to give you abundantly MORE than you could ask or ever imagine!"

I know God values my ambition and my heart to earn my own way.  But I also know he values teaching me how to receive from him as well.  He has more for all of us, you know.  Much MUCH more than we realize. 

So fast forward to this evening.  I check my e-mail...I'm in tears of joy as I write this! I received an anonymous donation of $500 that paid for my October 8th payment that I missed for school! Praise the Lord and THANK YOU whoever you are.  Even better than that was the fact that it ended up being that my October 8th payment was actually $320, so the remaining $180 went directly into the last payment I owe for school!!!!  Hallelujah!!!!


Wow.  Thank you EVERY single one of you who have donated to me, provided odd jobs, bought paintings and prints, photo sessions, booked my taxi service, etc. I can hardly wait for the time to come where I can bless you in return. I declare that you will receive back DOUBLE what you have given. MAKE THAT TEN TIMES!!!!! Wow. I am overwhelmed in the best possible way.

Outstanding October!!

I'm amazed at how God has been moving these past two months.  It's amazing that I have only been here for 8 weeks!  SO much has happened and continues to happen daily! Here's just a quick highlight reel of a few amazing things this month:

On October 2nd and 17th, I had skype interviews for a part-time house cleaning job and I got it!!! It's only 8hrs/wk- 3x/mo. but it will be enough to pay my rent!  I am still praying and looking for another part-time job or two to be able to pay the rest of my bills and rest of ministry expenses.

October 16th and 17th- I had training for my city service project.  I will be working with the drama ministry where we will actually get to go into elementary schools, AS CHRISTIANS and minister to the children using drama and exercises. The deeper we got into training, the more and more excited I got to be part of this outreach!  I think it will open wide children's hearts to break off fears, doubts, and lies of the enemy!  I am believing for salvations and breakthroughs during this time and am excited for it!

October 18th-19th- the ministry I work at and live at, Destiny House, went on a retreat to Oakland, CA to the Home of Peace.  This is home with a rich heritage of revival, miracles, salvations, and missionaries coming to visit and also being called there.  For me, I have decided to plan a few trips to the Home of Peace to work on a book I have been writing.  I will be posting some teasers on here as well for those of you who are interested. It was amazing staying in rooms where missionaries and revivalists have stayed and received so much from God. I had a personal breakthrough in the room I stayed in, where God actually showed me that the same two angels I had felt during an encounter with him a couple years ago were my two "imaginary" friends I had as a child.  I actually REMEMBER talking with them and have memories with them, so its interesting I never put it together before.  I called one Cha-Chi and the other one was like in tongues... it always seemed to change.  But it was amazing.  Also, in my room I stayed in there were two different pictures of angels hanging up.  I thought this was kind of cool.

October 21st- We had a worship meeting/party/family get together with the people in my revival group.  This was an amazing time of getting to know people a lot better.

This last Thursday, October 24th, we went to a ropes course to continue team building with our revival group and also seeking personal breakthrough.  This was actually a very profound and powerful trip for me, so I am actually going to write a separate post about that.

I love you all!  Thanks for praying for me and being watchmen on my wall!!!

Blessing!

Beautiful Visions

"I will be found by you." - Jeremiah 29:14 Ready or not--- here I come!!! 

"Yesterday, I had a vision of sitting on the lap of Jesus. He was squeezing me so tight and I was a little girl again, with straight blonde hair, and only smiles. Then we started dancing and I turned into a beautiful bride with a veil running down the back of my head. I danced with Jesus and then I danced with the Father and his hand was so big, mine looked like a child's hand or a babies'. He had broad shoulders that could carry the world, and he dimmed his eyes down so I could see a little bit what they were like. They were just light....burning light and when he started to turn them back up, I had to look away because it was too bright. He told me that I was small. Really small. And that when we all made messes it was no big deal to him. Like changing a diaper. He told me I was more precious than silver and more costly than gold. He placed a garment of white righteousness over me and a long purple scarf of dignity and royalty over my shoulders. He called me His."

This is just a portion of this vision that I had on Friday morning during our house worship time.  This vision lasted for about 20-30 minutes and one of the sweetest encounters I have ever had with the Lord.  Much of it was spent just sitting there, crying and soaking up the love God has for me and over me.

I encourage you all this week, to get before the Lord in worship or stillness, and ask him to show you more of Himself.  I asked to have eyes that see and ears that hear.  I imagined that we were in a field together and I asked him how he saw me.  This vision I had came out of me asking Jesus REAL questions, and him answering.

I think sometimes we don't encounter God, have dreams and visions, or see the power of God in our life because we are used to praying TO God...instead of talking WITH him.

He wants to talk WITH you today.  He wants to hear your questions...and he longs to answer them.

He wants a conversation and relationship!

Let's all practice more in hearing his voice today and responding with all of our hearts!!!

Love you!

Retreat!!!! Retreat!!!!

Mark 6:31
Jesus said to them, `Come away with me. Let us go alone to a quiet place and rest for a while.' Many people were coming and going. They could not even eat.

Sorry its been so long since I wrote!!! So much happens here in one day! I actually have a TON of testimonies to share also, but some of them will have to wait until the next post.

I jut got back from a retreat at JH Ranch in Etna, CA.  (see pictures below)

It was a great time of refreshing and filling up on the word of God, fellowship with lovers of Jesus, and getting to know some of the people I will be running alongside this season.  It was exactly what you imagine a retreat would be.  Getting away so you can rest in God.

As you all know, this sudden and overwhelming change in my life has been overwhelming and underwhelming at times.  Adjusting is key.  I have to REMIND myself to have grace for this time of adjusting.  It reminds me very much of experiencing culture shock when visiting a foreign country. My life is suddenly and drastically different and that takes adjusting.

Sometimes it only takes the smallest thing to throw us out of our usual loop.  And we are reeling for footing, trying to figure out our place, our peace, our rest.  GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE TOO!

I am declaring grace for me and all who are reading:  Retreat!!!!  Retreat with yourself to a place where you can rest with God and adjust.  Just breathe.  Adjust.

It is a new season.  It is a new time.  God has good for you.

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.

Tired but Toasty

You know that feeling you get after a bubble bath in the winter time and you go put on fresh flannel pajamas, some slippers and curl up with a great book and some hot cocoa?????!?!?


COZY!

That's the word and that's how I feel.  My room is not put together completely yet, but I have already jumped in to the community here at Destiny House and am loving it!  The girls are wonderful, unique, and so SO inviting.  I miss my roomies and friends in Indy but it is nice to know God has prepared doors and relationships here as well!

We had registration today and it was great.  I met a great girl in line named Olga and also another lady from Germany named Nicole.  Nicole is an artist and Olga is hilarious.  So they both related to me in different ways and I am so excited about all of the relationships to form this year!  :-)

I'm so tired so I can't write much but PLEASE PRAY for me to find a part time job!  I have a job interview with Dick's Sporting Goods next week and I also applied for Lane Bryant today.  I am probably going to need to get TWO part time jobs to pay for all of my expenses.  Working for Lane Bryant part time will only cover about half.  But pray I get that job!  I've always loved working for them in the past and they offer excellent discounts if I need to get any clothes after I lose a TON OF WEIGHT this year!!!!

Love you all!

More updates soon!

You Are The God Who Sees Me...

This road trip has been a blast so far!  But I have also seen the enemy (Satan, in case you were wondering) use every opportunity to TRY to get to me. I have also felt a noticeable difference in the way he bothers me.  It feels like a lot of the roads he used to travel on are all blocked off and so now he is trying new roads.

That's exciting to me!!!  I can just see it!  Him and his little minions all frantic, scrambling around, looking for new ways to cause trouble because the old ways DO NOT WORK!!!!!  AMEN!!!!

So one of the new ways is anxiety.  It's not something I have struggled with before and I do my best not to engage with it now, but I can still feel the attack.  Like people knocking at your door, trying to get in.  I will give you a small example and tell you what we did to combat it.  Last night, Alyssa and I drove to get her car in the next town over from hers, Whitefish.  As we travelled, there was this HUGE chunk of the road taken out and they hadn't put up signs yet to warn us there was a big bump, so I biffed it.  It felt and sounded like a car wreck.  (Mind you, I had tons of tons of weight in my back because I am packed floor to ceiling for California)

There was a moment when I could feel the shock, trauma, fear, and worry fill the car.  Immediately I heard assailing anxious thoughts:  "You wrecked your car!  Now you won't have anything to drive! Why didn't you see that bump?!....and on and on..."  Immediately, because I could hear the "you" in these statements, I knew I was being attacked and that they were using EVERY opportunity, like usual, to get to me.  "NO!" I cried inwardly.  I looked at Alyssa who was also visibly shaken, and said, "We're going to pray really quick" She nodded in agreement and I verbally said, "God we pray your peace and your strength into this car.  We say NO to all shock and trauma and fear that tempted us when we hit that bump. We say YES to your peace and the fact that NO matter what, you have us.  If the car is damaged, YOU will provide.  We will not give in to fear, worry, or anxiety because you are our God, our loving father, and you take care of us. You comfort us...."

And on it went for a little while.  The atmosphere in the car immediately shifted.  It filled with peace and strength and calm.  Alyssa felt it too and said she felt a million times better.  We even laughed that we had been so traumatized by something so tiny as hitting a bump.  But that's how he works!  He will use the smallest thing to start telling you a bunch of JUNK.  And if you engage in it and agree with it, then you empower him and it becomes something nasty.  Because the peace came so quick, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and awe of our God.  He SEES us.  He cares for us!  He is waiting on the edge of eternity for our voice!  He is a gentleman and never imposes himself on us or forces his way into our lives and thoughts.  He waits for US!  He waits for our voices to cry out to him and ask!

He's amazing.

You don't have to give the enemy a ton of credit or attention, but if he is attacking you....stop him!
It doesn't have to be some dramatic thing.  It's normal.  You can just say no.

"3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

-2 Corinthians 10:3-5

BAM!

Jesus, My Hero....

Between working odd jobs throughout the city of Indianapolis and from charitable donations from my loving friends and family, I have raised and made enough money to survive through the month of September AND pay my first tuition payment!!!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Seriously, I am amazed and shocked and astounded at him.  He MEANS what he says and he backs up his word.

It's incredible but I am leaving in less than TWO days to head out to California.  I am actually in the throes of PACKING...which as you can imagine, is a REAL joy.  I definitely was overwhelmed last night looking at all I had yet to do.  It might be an all-nighter tonight.  We shall see.  :-)

The reality is that in three days, the throes and woes of packing will be behind me.  Anxiety doesn't help.　Ｉｎ　ｆａｃｔ，　ｗｈｅｎ I allowed myself to listen to anxiety, I just sat on my bed incapacitated, doing nothing.  Anxiety actually creates what you fear. It perpetuates more anxiety.  It's a mess.  SO...when I finally said no to anxiety and yes to peace, then I started hauling bags and bags of Goodwill donations to Goodwill.  :-)

Now I am at my dealership, ｉｎ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｃｏｍｐｕｔｅｒ　ｌｏｕｎｇｅ，　waiting for my oil change (which is covered by warranty, hooray) and the verdict on my tires and brake pads.  If I need them, they are NOT covered under warranty.  (reverse hooray)  Now,Ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ　ｓｉｔ　ｈｅｒｅ　ａｎｄ　ｇｅｔ　ａｎｘｉｏｕｓ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｐｏｔｅｎｔｉａｌ　ｃｏｓｔ，　ｂｕｔ　ＷＨＡＴWOULD BE THE POINT?

Is God for me, or isn't he?  Is God with me, or isn't he?

It's either one or the other.  And if God is for me than NOTHING can stand against mｅ，　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ　ｃａｎ　ｓｔｏｐ　ｍｅ．　　Ｔｈｅ　Ｂｉｂｌｅ　ｓａｉｄ　ｉｔ　ｆｉｒｓｔ，　ａｎｄ　Ｃｈｒｉｓ　Ｔｏｍｌｉｎ　ｍａｄｅ　ｉｔ　ｓｏｕｎｄ　ｐｒｅｔｔｙ．

Ｂｕｔ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ，　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ　ｃａｎ　ｓｔｏｐ　ｏｕｒ　Ｇｏｄ．

Ａｎｄ　Ｏｕｒ　Ｇｏｄ　ｉｓ　ｓｅｎｄｉｎｇ　ＴＨＩＳ girl to California.

So...okay.  Then the details will just have to conform to him. Ｔｈｅｙ　ａｎｓｗｅｒ　ｔｏ　ｈｉｍ！

．．．

Ｉ　ｈａｄ　ｔｏ　ｐａｕｓｅ　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｍｙ　ｔｅｃｈｎｉｃｉａｎ　ｃａｍｅ　ｉｎ　ａｎｄ　ｔｏｌｄ　ｍｅ　ｍｙ　ｂｒａｋｅｓ　ａｒｅ　Ａ－ＯＫＡＹ．．．ｔｈａｔ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｓｑｕｅａｋ　ｓｏｍｅｔｉｍｅｓ　ｂｕｔ　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ　ｗｒｏｎｇ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｔｈｅｍ．　　Ａｌｓｏ　ｔｈａｔ　ｍｙ　ｔｉｒｅ　Ｉ　ｗａｓ　ｗｏｒｒｉｅｄ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｉｓ　ａｌｓｏ　Ａ－ＯＫＡＹ！　Ｈｅ　ｓａｉｄ　ｍｙ　ｃａｒ　ｗａｓ　ＡＬＬGREEN! Ｗｈｉｃｈ　ｍｅａｎｓ，　ｐｅｒｆｅｃｔ！　And that my oil change and tire rotation went off without a hitch!

THANK YOU JESUS, for yet again, being my hero.

Remember

In one sense, it's amazing.  God has provided house cleaning jobs, babysitting, dog sitting.  I've sold paintings, records, books.  I've even received a couple checks in the mail, which is remarkable!  He told me back at the school of worship,

I will make a way for you.

But it's been hard.  Hard to trust.  When I look at deadlines, I see death.  You know what I mean.  When I see that between my car insurance and my car payment it is going to cost me $500/mo. , those two bills ALONE are enough to start adding stones to my chest.

I will make a way.

But I've only got three weeks now.  Not enough time to get a job here in Indy, but I need to make money.  Quandary?  Opportunity?  Which way is up?  And once in California- I am in need of a job.  Desperately.  Quandary?  Opportunity?  Which way is up?

I will make a way.

But the bills!!!  If I didn't have the bills it would be so much easier to trust you.  Car insurance, School Loans, Car payment, Credit Cards, Hospital Bills.  I am drowning God.  I am drowning.

I will make a way.  I have always made a way for you.

And then to find out yesterday that one of my nearest and dearest, most beloved friends have stopped believing in you, Jesus.  How?!  His heart is so hard, so callous, and bitter.  He says he is not mad at Christians but then where and why is this bitterness that coats his words?  I could barely speak or respond.  It had felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.  My words exiting with the air in my lungs. One of my dearest friends.

I said the first thing that came to my mind, "That would be so sad...I can't imagine it.  To stop believing in God, I would be so depressed. How terrible life would be without him."

He got upset, said it was funny I would say that.  Said he hasn't changed.  But I know that he is depressed, and its true...he hasn't changed.  He's always been depressed.  But I also think he's never really met Jesus.  I don't think he could stop believing if he had truly met Jesus...if he had truly KNOWN him and KNOWN his nature.  When he talks about God, he says all these things that are simply not true about God.  Like he did not know him at all.

I may be poor.  But I am rich in His love and in His nature.  I know him.  I know him and nothing else matters.  Nothing can touch me.  Not really.

I am safe in Him...and that is why I grieve for my friend.  Because he does not even know what that feels like and he should.  He was BORN to feel the love of God.  He was MADE for it.  He said he couldn't understand that if God was SO full of love how he could make half of his creation to be condemned to hell.  I told him God doesn't want anyone to go to hell.  He argued that if it was their "choice" and they never knew God then isn't God condemning them to hell??

Sometimes I don't have the words to say.

So here I am... worried about money... KNOWING the truth that God can provide, but still weak in my faith and my belief that he will and does.  EVEN THOUGH HE TRULY ALWAYS HAS....

And I finally get it.  How my friend could forget.

Because we do forget.  The Israelites and the disciples are proof of that.  Even when God miraculously intervenes time and time again, we forget.  We forget our ebenezers.

So here I am... the richest I've ever been.

Sometimes we all need to remember who we are and WHOSE we are.

HOOORAY!!!!

So....

New way to donate...Just found out a couple days ago that people can donate to me by clicking this link:

https://www.ibssm.org/a/donate/search 

CLICK IT PEOPLE!!!!!

:-)

Do what you want, but $5 COULD save my life today.... just sayin'

Wonderful Little Things...

I've been house sitting this week and it's actually been pretty fun.  I'm watching two dogs: Twix and Princess and they are adorable and loving.  I've been feeding them, playing with them, letting them in and out of the house, and letting them sleep with me at night.  This morning I realized that one of the dogs had wet the bed.  So I washed the sheets and cleaned the spot and all was right with the world again.  I was thinking as I set their food dishes down and they ran to devour their breakfast that I wished I was a dog.  For real... no worries.  Not worried about how they will pay their bills or eat their next meal... Not worried about where they will sleep.  Everything is provided for them.

Now...it seems with all that perfect provision that they wouldn't have a thing to worry about, and yet they seem to freak out much more than you would think they would.  I mean, they are running back and forth until you set the tray down- fighting with the other dog to eat the food out of their bowl. They bark when you get home, hoping you will pay attention to them.  When they are ready to come in, they sit by the door with their puppy eyes begging that you will let them come back in, hoping.  They sit at the edge of the bed hoping that you will find it in your good heart to let you up...  They still act like strays.  They have the heart of a pauper.  Even though they have everything they need and everything is provided for them, they still live as if they are poor and in need. Like at any moment, you will take it all away from them.

All this time wishing I was a dog and realizing that by my own choice, I choose to live like a dog sometimes. I still worry he will take it all away.  That one day his hand won't be there to feed me, clothe me, provide.

Sometimes I still live like a pauper.

The TRUTH is:  God will supply my every need.  He has fed me from his hand since I was born.  He has always provided me jobs, a place to live, people to love, clothes to wear, and EVEN MORE than I could ever ask for and dream.  He is extravagant.  He flourishes my life with his goodness.

The TRUTH is: I am no longer a pauper, I am a princess!  I have been adopted into a royal family who loves me and will supply my every need.  A family who opens doors and windows for me; who has wooed my into a spacious place, free from restriction.  A family that can do impossible things!

So here I am.  On the outside.  I know there is food and water inside, and a nice place to sleep.  I know I've been let out for some fresh air and fresh perspective and to do what I need to do. :-)  I know it is temporary.  The door WILL open, and the provision will follow.

It's hard sometimes.  In the inbetween.  In the time between the promise and the provision.

I know God is moving.  I know he's asked me to STEP OUT in big ways.  And I am in.  I am in for the long haul with Him.  And I will go with him and I will believe that he is who he says he is and that HE will PROVIDE all of my needs!

I've been painting a lot of pictures of Lion's lately. When I paint them I am thinking of different characteristics and aspects of God.  I love seeing him as the Lion.  In this one above I saw him as one who watches over me with Compassion; as a Lion who is both tender and fierce.

Because I believe the Lord is who HE says He is, I know He will provide for all of my needs.  I know He watches over me day and night, sings over me in the morning, goes before me and is a voice behind me saying, "This is the way.  Walk here..."

I know he has called me to Redding, CA to further my ministry training and lead to more opportunity.  So many doors have opened to make that blatantly clear. My biggest obstacle has been faith.  I almost wrote finances, but realized that to God, that is NO obstacle.  My biggest obstacle has been that I have small faith when it comes to finances.  I lost my job over a month ago now and amazingly God has provided for me since then.  Provided me a way to go out to California and attend the School of Worship AND get back home.  Provided a way for me to pay most of my bills up until now.  Provided healing conversations with old wounds and relationships.  Provided things I didn't even need!

Even with all that provision, it has still been hard to believe he will make a way for me to California.  It just seems SO big.  SO impossible.  SO expensive.  And I can't do it.  But he can.  Last night as I lay awake trying to sleep, I listened to the Esther and Isaiah out loud being read over me.  I am happy to say I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of Isaiah 63, which is a life passage for me.  What caught my attention though, was Esther.

Some of you know I have felt like this season was an "Esther season".  I felt like God was calling me to a season of beauty treatments, and a time apart with him where getting healthy would be a major focus. SO as a result of this call, I have been trying to unlock Esther.  I've been digging for more in those words and reading and re-reading the short book over and over again.

I was in chapter 2 and this is the part that got me this time:

⁸ When the king’s order and edict had been proclaimed, many young women were brought to the citadel of Susa and put under the care of Hegai. Esther also was taken to the king’s palace and entrusted to Hegai, who had charge of the harem. ⁹ She pleased him and won his favor.Immediately he provided her with her beauty treatments and special food. He assigned to her seven female attendants selected from the king’s palace and moved her and her attendants into the best place in the harem.

Now obviously and thankfully, God is not calling me to join a harem and marry a King with a harem.  But I thought of how God was the king in this scenario. In this verse, the KING is providing her with the beauty treatments and her groceries, giving her people to help her AND moving her to a new place to live.  In short, he provides her ALL she needs and MORE.

So I am declaring that over my life today.  God you called me into an Esther season and I said yes.  So today, I am declaring your provision over me that you had provided for Esther.  Groceries, beauty treatments, people to help me, and a way to move to California. I know you will make a way for me. 

Called to California

Many, if not all of you, know my heart for prayer, worship, and spreading the love of Christ to everyone.  I have felt the pull into ministry since I was young.  The questions have always been “Where” or “What” or “When” or “HOW?” God has been faithful to call me on each adventure with Him with peace and faithfulness and eventually answer all of those questions, haha. J Over the years I have been able to take part in various worship teams, youth ministries, outreaches, and mission trips in the local church and abroad.  I have been with orphans in China, praying over them in English and watching the revelation on their faces as the love of God impacted them, even when they could not understand a word. I have watched the young adults and teenagers at my local church charge after the heart of God with such passion and ardor that it changed me! I have heard their hearts lifted to God in praise and witnessed as God bloomed in their hearts! I have taught English in Indonesia to adults and children alike and witnessed with awe as fellowship, music, language, and learning opened their eyes to more of God.

           

More recently when I was the director of the Indianapolis House of Prayer, I got to be a first-responder with many others to the heart of the Lord for the city of Indianapolis.  That time was so sweet as God built me up as a leader in a time when I didn’t feel like I could lead.  It was also an amazing time of fellowship, unity, and tenderness.  We approached God with hunger and simplicity and we saw healings, salvations, and the beautiful heart of God transforming and uniting in love.  When God asked me to find another leader for the house of prayer; that was both difficult and exciting.  I had to let go of something God had knit into my heart, but I also knew it was time for an upgrade with God.  What I had not counted on was a year of hiddenness, stretching, and mourning.

I was hospitalized four times, had surgery, got in a car accident, lost my job, and was dealing with a heart that had grown sick with hope deferred.  I laugh as I write this because that sentence sounds so morose.  But even through all of that, I had access to joy at all times.  It’s hard to explain because it was a difficult year and I did not have perfect faith, perfect happiness, or even perfect reactions. But God was perfect and it was also a beautiful year.  He held me.  He provided for me.  He lifted me up in my darkest of moments.  He created hope out of nothing.  He bestowed upon me a crown of beauty instead of ashes. He made a way for me.

I had the privilege of going to the School of Worship in Redding, California this last month and I felt unmistakably called to apply for their full-time school of ministry in the fall.  Nothing about this makes “sense”.  I have no job, no money, lots of bills, and I live on the other side of the country!  As I struggled with this during the first week of classes, I felt God saying: “What do you want to do?” This startled me because I have always prayed for God’s will and direction.  It dawned on me that maybe God really was like a good dad (at least like my good dad) and wanted to see me go after the dreams He actually placed in my heart. I responded:

           

“If I had unlimited resources I would speak and sing identity, life and Your love over others. I want to transfer truth like tattoos onto people’s hearts. I would like to travel the world doing this and watching Your truth and beauty heal and restore people. It could be in any creative form- theatre, books, film, art, photos, singing in a band, being a public speaker, etc.  I don’t really know the mode of transporting the message right now.  All I know is that the message is in me.  I have a huge heart for showing people who you are and how you see them.”

 I think that if we can believe what God says about Himself and who He is than we can believe what He says about us and our lives. I know God is calling me to this school and I believe that within this season lies a key: A key that God wants to give me. I don’t have all of the answers to those questions at the top yet, but I do recognize the pull of God at my heart and know I will say yes.

I told God earlier this year, “I will go anywhere and do anything as long as you are with me and you make a way for me.”  I have felt Him in every stage of this process saying: “I will make a way for you.” He is faithful and good on His word.  He means what He says.

You guys all know what a support letter is so I won’t pretend that I’m not asking for money along with a LOT OF PRAYER.  I am asking for financial AND prayer support.  I will need to raise about $8,000 for the school and the mission trip that begins directly when school commences.  The school encourages their students to raise support as they are doing full-time ministry, outreach, and missions during the entire duration of the school year.  We will also be involved every week in a full schedule of classes and Biblical study as well. It’s going to be a pretty intense year! 

There really are SO many details and so many things God has given me for this time, so if you are interested in reading about these, I encourage you to continue reading this blog.  I will be posting pictures, videos, and writing about the things God is showing me as well as my thoughts about Him.

If you wish to support me in prayer or financially, please contact me at melissajmowat@gmail.com WITHIN the next two weeks.  Even if you can only send $5.00, every cent counts! For those of you who want to get started, here are a few immediate prayer requests:

1.     Pray that I will get a job to support the rest of my personal expenses:

    bills, rent, etc.

2.     Pray for my health and self-discipline.  That is really one of my main goals this next season to get healthy and to continue to lose weight. 

3.     Pray for transition as I sell a lot of my belongings and head off to California.  It’s going to be a major STRETCH!  J

Thanks so much for reading this long letter!  I know technically they are supposed to be one page long but I had so much to tell you! (And still do!!!) I love you all very much!  I pray that He blesses you and fills you with passion for life and for knowing Him.  He loves us all so incredibly much! :)