Wonderful Little Things...

I've been house sitting this week and it's actually been pretty fun.  I'm watching two dogs: Twix and Princess and they are adorable and loving.  I've been feeding them, playing with them, letting them in and out of the house, and letting them sleep with me at night.  This morning I realized that one of the dogs had wet the bed.  So I washed the sheets and cleaned the spot and all was right with the world again.  I was thinking as I set their food dishes down and they ran to devour their breakfast that I wished I was a dog.  For real... no worries.  Not worried about how they will pay their bills or eat their next meal... Not worried about where they will sleep.  Everything is provided for them.

Now...it seems with all that perfect provision that they wouldn't have a thing to worry about, and yet they seem to freak out much more than you would think they would.  I mean, they are running back and forth until you set the tray down- fighting with the other dog to eat the food out of their bowl. They bark when you get home, hoping you will pay attention to them.  When they are ready to come in, they sit by the door with their puppy eyes begging that you will let them come back in, hoping.  They sit at the edge of the bed hoping that you will find it in your good heart to let you up...  They still act like strays.  They have the heart of a pauper.  Even though they have everything they need and everything is provided for them, they still live as if they are poor and in need. Like at any moment, you will take it all away from them.

All this time wishing I was a dog and realizing that by my own choice, I choose to live like a dog sometimes. I still worry he will take it all away.  That one day his hand won't be there to feed me, clothe me, provide.

Sometimes I still live like a pauper.

The TRUTH is:  God will supply my every need.  He has fed me from his hand since I was born.  He has always provided me jobs, a place to live, people to love, clothes to wear, and EVEN MORE than I could ever ask for and dream.  He is extravagant.  He flourishes my life with his goodness.

The TRUTH is: I am no longer a pauper, I am a princess!  I have been adopted into a royal family who loves me and will supply my every need.  A family who opens doors and windows for me; who has wooed my into a spacious place, free from restriction.  A family that can do impossible things!

So here I am.  On the outside.  I know there is food and water inside, and a nice place to sleep.  I know I've been let out for some fresh air and fresh perspective and to do what I need to do. :-)  I know it is temporary.  The door WILL open, and the provision will follow.

It's hard sometimes.  In the inbetween.  In the time between the promise and the provision.

I know God is moving.  I know he's asked me to STEP OUT in big ways.  And I am in.  I am in for the long haul with Him.  And I will go with him and I will believe that he is who he says he is and that HE will PROVIDE all of my needs!

I've been painting a lot of pictures of Lion's lately. When I paint them I am thinking of different characteristics and aspects of God.  I love seeing him as the Lion.  In this one above I saw him as one who watches over me with Compassion; as a Lion who is both tender and fierce.

Because I believe the Lord is who HE says He is, I know He will provide for all of my needs.  I know He watches over me day and night, sings over me in the morning, goes before me and is a voice behind me saying, "This is the way.  Walk here..."

I know he has called me to Redding, CA to further my ministry training and lead to more opportunity.  So many doors have opened to make that blatantly clear. My biggest obstacle has been faith.  I almost wrote finances, but realized that to God, that is NO obstacle.  My biggest obstacle has been that I have small faith when it comes to finances.  I lost my job over a month ago now and amazingly God has provided for me since then.  Provided me a way to go out to California and attend the School of Worship AND get back home.  Provided a way for me to pay most of my bills up until now.  Provided healing conversations with old wounds and relationships.  Provided things I didn't even need!

Even with all that provision, it has still been hard to believe he will make a way for me to California.  It just seems SO big.  SO impossible.  SO expensive.  And I can't do it.  But he can.  Last night as I lay awake trying to sleep, I listened to the Esther and Isaiah out loud being read over me.  I am happy to say I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of Isaiah 63, which is a life passage for me.  What caught my attention though, was Esther.

Some of you know I have felt like this season was an "Esther season".  I felt like God was calling me to a season of beauty treatments, and a time apart with him where getting healthy would be a major focus. SO as a result of this call, I have been trying to unlock Esther.  I've been digging for more in those words and reading and re-reading the short book over and over again.

I was in chapter 2 and this is the part that got me this time:

⁸ When the king’s order and edict had been proclaimed, many young women were brought to the citadel of Susa and put under the care of Hegai. Esther also was taken to the king’s palace and entrusted to Hegai, who had charge of the harem. ⁹ She pleased him and won his favor.Immediately he provided her with her beauty treatments and special food. He assigned to her seven female attendants selected from the king’s palace and moved her and her attendants into the best place in the harem.

Now obviously and thankfully, God is not calling me to join a harem and marry a King with a harem.  But I thought of how God was the king in this scenario. In this verse, the KING is providing her with the beauty treatments and her groceries, giving her people to help her AND moving her to a new place to live.  In short, he provides her ALL she needs and MORE.

So I am declaring that over my life today.  God you called me into an Esther season and I said yes.  So today, I am declaring your provision over me that you had provided for Esther.  Groceries, beauty treatments, people to help me, and a way to move to California. I know you will make a way for me. 

Called to California

Many, if not all of you, know my heart for prayer, worship, and spreading the love of Christ to everyone.  I have felt the pull into ministry since I was young.  The questions have always been “Where” or “What” or “When” or “HOW?” God has been faithful to call me on each adventure with Him with peace and faithfulness and eventually answer all of those questions, haha. J Over the years I have been able to take part in various worship teams, youth ministries, outreaches, and mission trips in the local church and abroad.  I have been with orphans in China, praying over them in English and watching the revelation on their faces as the love of God impacted them, even when they could not understand a word. I have watched the young adults and teenagers at my local church charge after the heart of God with such passion and ardor that it changed me! I have heard their hearts lifted to God in praise and witnessed as God bloomed in their hearts! I have taught English in Indonesia to adults and children alike and witnessed with awe as fellowship, music, language, and learning opened their eyes to more of God.

           

More recently when I was the director of the Indianapolis House of Prayer, I got to be a first-responder with many others to the heart of the Lord for the city of Indianapolis.  That time was so sweet as God built me up as a leader in a time when I didn’t feel like I could lead.  It was also an amazing time of fellowship, unity, and tenderness.  We approached God with hunger and simplicity and we saw healings, salvations, and the beautiful heart of God transforming and uniting in love.  When God asked me to find another leader for the house of prayer; that was both difficult and exciting.  I had to let go of something God had knit into my heart, but I also knew it was time for an upgrade with God.  What I had not counted on was a year of hiddenness, stretching, and mourning.

I was hospitalized four times, had surgery, got in a car accident, lost my job, and was dealing with a heart that had grown sick with hope deferred.  I laugh as I write this because that sentence sounds so morose.  But even through all of that, I had access to joy at all times.  It’s hard to explain because it was a difficult year and I did not have perfect faith, perfect happiness, or even perfect reactions. But God was perfect and it was also a beautiful year.  He held me.  He provided for me.  He lifted me up in my darkest of moments.  He created hope out of nothing.  He bestowed upon me a crown of beauty instead of ashes. He made a way for me.

I had the privilege of going to the School of Worship in Redding, California this last month and I felt unmistakably called to apply for their full-time school of ministry in the fall.  Nothing about this makes “sense”.  I have no job, no money, lots of bills, and I live on the other side of the country!  As I struggled with this during the first week of classes, I felt God saying: “What do you want to do?” This startled me because I have always prayed for God’s will and direction.  It dawned on me that maybe God really was like a good dad (at least like my good dad) and wanted to see me go after the dreams He actually placed in my heart. I responded:

           

“If I had unlimited resources I would speak and sing identity, life and Your love over others. I want to transfer truth like tattoos onto people’s hearts. I would like to travel the world doing this and watching Your truth and beauty heal and restore people. It could be in any creative form- theatre, books, film, art, photos, singing in a band, being a public speaker, etc.  I don’t really know the mode of transporting the message right now.  All I know is that the message is in me.  I have a huge heart for showing people who you are and how you see them.”

 I think that if we can believe what God says about Himself and who He is than we can believe what He says about us and our lives. I know God is calling me to this school and I believe that within this season lies a key: A key that God wants to give me. I don’t have all of the answers to those questions at the top yet, but I do recognize the pull of God at my heart and know I will say yes.

I told God earlier this year, “I will go anywhere and do anything as long as you are with me and you make a way for me.”  I have felt Him in every stage of this process saying: “I will make a way for you.” He is faithful and good on His word.  He means what He says.

You guys all know what a support letter is so I won’t pretend that I’m not asking for money along with a LOT OF PRAYER.  I am asking for financial AND prayer support.  I will need to raise about $8,000 for the school and the mission trip that begins directly when school commences.  The school encourages their students to raise support as they are doing full-time ministry, outreach, and missions during the entire duration of the school year.  We will also be involved every week in a full schedule of classes and Biblical study as well. It’s going to be a pretty intense year! 

There really are SO many details and so many things God has given me for this time, so if you are interested in reading about these, I encourage you to continue reading this blog.  I will be posting pictures, videos, and writing about the things God is showing me as well as my thoughts about Him.

If you wish to support me in prayer or financially, please contact me at melissajmowat@gmail.com WITHIN the next two weeks.  Even if you can only send $5.00, every cent counts! For those of you who want to get started, here are a few immediate prayer requests:

1.     Pray that I will get a job to support the rest of my personal expenses:

    bills, rent, etc.

2.     Pray for my health and self-discipline.  That is really one of my main goals this next season to get healthy and to continue to lose weight. 

3.     Pray for transition as I sell a lot of my belongings and head off to California.  It’s going to be a major STRETCH!  J

Thanks so much for reading this long letter!  I know technically they are supposed to be one page long but I had so much to tell you! (And still do!!!) I love you all very much!  I pray that He blesses you and fills you with passion for life and for knowing Him.  He loves us all so incredibly much! :)