The MANifesto

I have often thought about the kind of woman I want to be for my husband: loving, Christ-centered, full of grace, walking in dignity, poised, fit and healthy, intelligent, helpful, beautiful, confident, serving, patient, funny, etc.....

But I've realized lately that it has been years (at least 3) since I thought about what I wanted.  What did I want?  I dated someone earlier this year, but only briefly.  He was wonderful but I never really felt my heart jump ...never felt this sense that YES...THIS is what I want.  So this last year...given that this is the beginning of a season of unfulfilled dreams coming true, beauty treatments, transformation, etc.... I have been thinking every so often of what I want....

So, Here is my list that I started last year....and growing.... Maybe some of it is unrealistic.  Haha, I don't care!  I was just having fun with God!

I want to be enraptured.
I want a man who is in love with Jesus and sees the world through His eyes.

I want a man who knows what and who he wants: me
I want a passionate, wild at heart, man

I want a man who is decisive and assertive, who is firm and strong without being overbearing and controlling.

I want a man who makes me his business.  Who takes care of me.  Who partners with me in tackling any obstacle that comes our way.

I want a man who listens, sure, but I also want a man with solutions!

I want a fixer.

I want a “take action” kind of fella.

I want a man who fights for justice and freedom.

I want a man who knows who he is and whose he is.

I want a man who will ravish me with passionate kisses.

Who will devour me, not with the sickness of the locusts of years past, but with a passion that gives as it takes…

A man who will slam me up against the wall, interrupt my words with his lips, exhume the oxygen from my lungs and replace it with his own.  (It seemed too cliche to say "a man who takes my breath away")

I want a man with a will that dares to flex up against my will, strong enough to bend and never break…

A man of conviction and only wise compromise

I want a steady soldier, singing his heart out the Lord, brave and true and believing.

I want a partner.

I want a mischievous sparkle in the eyes and a twitch at the corner of adorable lips.

I want  a man to lead me, but humble enough to let me shine

I want a man who stays humble and a lifelong student

I want a man who will be a voice for the voiceless.

I want a man who is a defender, a protector, a courageous one.

I want a man who knows how to laugh and who will find me hilarious. Even if he's laughing AT me, sometimes.

I want a TRUTH- finder.  A man who can see through facade.  

I want a TRUTH- sayer.  A man who will speak his mind and stand-- even when no one else will.

I want a man who can melt me

I want  a man with eyes that see

I want  a man with a heart that can see who I am but also who I will become.

I want a man with a purity plan for when we are dating, with clear boundaries and expectations from the beginning.

I want a man who will flirt with me and NEVER stop courting my heart.

I want a playful man.

I want a man who is confident about leading me and who WANTS to lead me.

I want a man who trusts and gleans my wisdom

I want a man who believes in me and who I can believe in

I want a man who loves children and has a nurturing Father’s heart and tenderness.

I want a man who cares about his health but doesn’t waste time on vanity

I want a man who sees me- even when I’m hiding.

I want a man who knows how to kiss a woman.

I want a tender heart, a lion heart, a sweet heart.

I want a compassionate, deep well.

I want a man who is incredibly kind.

I want a man who can be patient while I become someone who deserves him.

Tight Rope

I'm a tightrope walker...balancing over two delicate realities. One side is practicality: I'm an entrepreneur, self-starter, hard-worker...I have to somehow come up with the cash to deal with the overwhelming financial issues threatening to snap the line at any moment with its immense density. Most of these from a time when the company I worked for went under and I suddenly found myself unemployed. As perfect timing would have it, I found myself in the hospital with rare throat condition and a mountain of hospital bills.

On the other side is pure trust and faith. Where God meets all of my needs. Where strangers walk up to me and hand me money. Where people donate to my missions trip. Where unicorns fly in on golden wings and defecate in jewels and rainbows all over my yard.

I don't believe it is God's intention for me to live in poverty in order to pursue changing the world but I also don't believe it is his intention for me to constantly be raising money/asking for support/etc. I know he's give me divine ideas on how to MAKE money for myself and others.

But sometimes that is the "not yet"....it's not always the now.

So that leads to the tightrope. A tightrope is the now.

So...I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I've been taking care of myself for my entire life... been "adulting" since I was 18... and don't get me wrong...I've had tons of help and divine intervention... miracle after miracle and friends and family helping out.....

But I am tired of always feeling like I am trudging in mud...never really taking any productive step anywhere.

I guess it is in times like this I would like a husband. Not someone to solve all of my problems or take care of me, but a partner. To be able to turn to someone at the end of the day and know that there is another physical human being here to join my team and combat issues with.

I realize how blessed I am. I realize compared to most people, my debts are low and my wealth is high... but that is not the point.

I don't want to walk a tightrope... I'd much rather fly on the trapeze and reach out knowing that someone else is going to grab me by the hands and together we will fly through the air with ease... mutually supporting one another through great heights and low dips...in dreams...in hardship...in success.

Doing Life Together.