Tight Rope

I'm a tightrope walker...balancing over two delicate realities. One side is practicality: I'm an entrepreneur, self-starter, hard-worker...I have to somehow come up with the cash to deal with the overwhelming financial issues threatening to snap the line at any moment with its immense density. Most of these from a time when the company I worked for went under and I suddenly found myself unemployed. As perfect timing would have it, I found myself in the hospital with rare throat condition and a mountain of hospital bills.

On the other side is pure trust and faith. Where God meets all of my needs. Where strangers walk up to me and hand me money. Where people donate to my missions trip. Where unicorns fly in on golden wings and defecate in jewels and rainbows all over my yard.

I don't believe it is God's intention for me to live in poverty in order to pursue changing the world but I also don't believe it is his intention for me to constantly be raising money/asking for support/etc. I know he's give me divine ideas on how to MAKE money for myself and others.

But sometimes that is the "not yet"....it's not always the now.

So that leads to the tightrope. A tightrope is the now.

So...I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I've been taking care of myself for my entire life... been "adulting" since I was 18... and don't get me wrong...I've had tons of help and divine intervention... miracle after miracle and friends and family helping out.....

But I am tired of always feeling like I am trudging in mud...never really taking any productive step anywhere.

I guess it is in times like this I would like a husband. Not someone to solve all of my problems or take care of me, but a partner. To be able to turn to someone at the end of the day and know that there is another physical human being here to join my team and combat issues with.

I realize how blessed I am. I realize compared to most people, my debts are low and my wealth is high... but that is not the point.

I don't want to walk a tightrope... I'd much rather fly on the trapeze and reach out knowing that someone else is going to grab me by the hands and together we will fly through the air with ease... mutually supporting one another through great heights and low dips...in dreams...in hardship...in success.

Doing Life Together.